How to make friends in a new city: 14 things that actually work
You've moved. The boxes are open, the wifi works, and you've worked out where to buy coffee. Then the weekend comes and you realise you don't have anyone to text.
That gap is normal, and it doesn't close by itself. Friendships take repeated time together. A study by Jeffrey Hall at the University of Kansas found it takes roughly 50 hours with someone to go from acquaintance to casual friend, and around 200 to become close friends. So the goal in a new city isn't to meet as many people as possible. It's to find a few people you'll see again and again.
Here's what works, roughly in order of how fast it gets you there.
Start with people you already know
The fastest friends in a new city are rarely strangers. They're people one step away from you.
1. Ask your friends who they know there
Send one message to your group chats: "I've just moved to Lisbon. Who do you know here?" You'll be surprised how many friends have a cousin, an old flatmate or a coworker in your new city. An introduction from a mutual friend skips the hardest part of meeting someone, because there's already a reason to trust each other and something to talk about.
2. Make the introduction easy to say yes to
When a friend says "oh, you should meet Dani", that intro usually dies in the chat. Ask your friend to start a three-person thread, or ask for Dani's number and message first with a specific plan: "Sam said we'd get on. I'm going to the market on Saturday morning, want to come?" A specific plan gets a yes far more often than "we should hang out sometime".
3. Look up old classmates and coworkers
LinkedIn and Instagram are good for this. Search your university, old workplaces and hometown for people now living in your new city. "I just moved here and saw you did too" is an easy message to send.
Show up to the same thing every week
Repetition beats variety. Seeing the same faces every week is what turns hellos into friendships.
4. Join one weekly activity, not five one-off events
A Tuesday run club, a Thursday climbing session or a Sunday football game. Pick one and go every single week for two months. The first two visits feel awkward. By week six people are saving you a spot.
5. Choose activities with built-in conversation
Team sports, climbing, group runs, choirs, pottery classes and volunteering all give you something to do with your hands and something to talk about. Silent activities like the gym or yoga are good for you, but rarely good for friendships.
6. Become a regular somewhere
Go to the same cafe, the same bar on quiz night, the same coworking space. Regulars recognise regulars. After a few weeks of nodding at the same people, a conversation is easy.
Say yes, then follow up
7. Say yes to everything for the first three months
Every invitation, even the ones that sound boring. Your coworker's birthday drinks, a neighbour's barbecue, a friend of a friend's board game night. You can't tell from the invite which one leads to your people.
8. Be the one who suggests the second hangout
Most new friendships end after one good conversation because nobody follows up. Be the person who does. "That was fun, are you around next week?" is all it takes. Most people are waiting for someone else to do it.
9. Host something small
Invite four people for dinner, drinks or a walk. Hosting puts you at the centre of a small network, and the people you invite meet each other too. It doesn't need to be impressive. A pot of pasta and a bottle of wine works.
Use the internet well
10. Try groups built around one interest
Meetup, Eventbrite and local Facebook groups list language exchanges, hiking groups, book clubs and run clubs. Smaller, recurring groups beat big one-off mixers, for the same reason as point 4.
11. Join a coworking space if you work remotely
If you work from home, a coworking space gives you colleagues again. Many run lunches, talks and drinks. The cost pages list monthly desk prices in 45 cities if you want to budget for one.
12. Use friend-finding apps with care
Apps built for meeting strangers can work, but the conversations often go nowhere because there's no shared context. Apps that connect you through people you already know tend to lead to plans that actually happen, because there's a mutual friend in the middle.
Be patient with yourself
13. Give it six months before you judge it
Most people say their new city started to feel like home somewhere between six months and a year in. If you're three months in and still lonely, you're not doing it wrong. You're on schedule.
14. Keep your old friends close
Call home. Your old friends are still your friends, and they're also your best source of introductions in your new city. Tell them where you are and ask who they know.
Questions
How long does it take to make friends in a new city?
Most people need between six months and a year to feel settled. Research by Jeffrey Hall suggests around 50 hours together turns an acquaintance into a casual friend, so seeing the same people every week speeds it up a lot.
What is the fastest way to make friends in a new city?
Ask the friends you already have who they know there, and get introduced. A mutual friend gives you trust and a shared topic straight away, which is the hardest part to build with a stranger.
Is it normal to feel lonely after moving?
Yes. Almost everyone who moves feels lonely in the first months. It usually eases once you have one or two weekly routines with the same people.
How do you make friends in a new city as an introvert?
Pick one small, recurring activity with a shared task, like a climbing session or a book club, and go every week. Smaller groups and repeated contact are easier than big parties, and an introduction from a mutual friend takes away the cold start.